When I am off doing things that I shouldn’t be doing for lack of a better word, I tend to retreat from my family. I do this so that they don’t see me or have knowledge as to what I’m doing, or I feel that they don’t have knowledge of what I’m doing but they do, they know because they are not stupid. But I retreat from them so that they don’t see and I feel that I do this so that they don’t worry. Anyhow during this time my father became very angry with me he blames me for my mother’s stroke and therefore in turn blamed me for her death. I was not allowed to be at her funeral and I was not allowed to see him when he was passing. My brother honored his wishes which was to not see me before he died. I tried and made several attempts to see him so that I could let him know that I love him very much and that I love my mom the same.
When a person has died, you can still make amends for your actions. Although, you’ll have to find a different way to do so and in a way that makes a lasting impact on you and the people you love who are still here. Making any type of amends can be challenging, but in this article, we’ll focus on living amends and tips for how to make them. If you or a loved one is struggling to stay sober or needs help maintaining sobriety while working the 12 Steps, Eudaimonia Recovery Homes can help. Call us or fill out our online contact form today to get started.
What Does Step 9 (Making Amends) Have To Do With Sobriety?
Living amends means actively improving relationships in your life with a concerted and focused effort. Visit relatives more often, mentor young people you know, teach people close to you skills you’re good at or make time for a regular date night with your partner. Sitting down with someone to own up to your mistakes and apologize takes a lot of courage. Sit down with your sponsor or https://ecosoberhouse.com/ counselor to come up with a plan for what you will say and how you will respond if things don’t go exactly as planned. Doing this will help you feel more confident as you start working Steps 8 and 9 and making amends. The amends process either directly or indirectly, it reinforces positive behaviors, your willingness to take ownership of your actions, and any resulting consequences.
- I just want them to know that I love them so much and I am so sorry for everything and if I could change it I would in a heartbeat.
- There are a lot of fearful feelings before, during and after making amends in the ninth step.
- Making direct amends means actively confronting your behavior with the person who you harmed.
- For example, say that you stole $20 from your brother while you were using.
- Therefore, the motivation of an amends should be to restore – in a direct way – that which we have broken or damaged.
- Before approaching Step 9, you need to complete the inventory in Step 8.
Luckily, there are several time-tested strategies to help you figure it out. Indirect amends, which are made via writing or some other medium that doesn’t involve face-to-face communication. Recovery from addiction is a lifelong process, and unfortunately, there are no “quick fixes” along the way. It takes continuing effort, hard work, and courage to begin to live a new life in sobriety. I think if we can move beyond the anxiety and dread and despair, there is a promise of something shifting not just culturally, but spiritually, too.
How to Make Amends in Addiction Recovery
These that we have to leave outstanding are the ones that are really the hard ones. We really don’t need to be imprisoning ourselves, acquiring felonies, and being placed on various registries because of past actions/mistakes. How does that put us in the best position to be of service going forward? There have been instances where alcoholics did invite these severe consequences, so as no other means could clear their conscience, and that’s on them. Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of people who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism. The main purpose and mission of Alcoholics Anonymous members is to stay sober and help others achieve sobriety.
Even so, you will have done all that you can to take responsibility for the past—and there’s a level of peace and freedom in that as well. living amends How the other person chooses to respond to our amends is out of our control. You, at least, have done your best and can now move on.
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Nicola is our Blog and Article Editor at InTheRooms.com. Her work has been published internationally in many publications. She is a qualified Reflexologist, Masseuse and Life Coach. She has created content for intherooms.com for many years and was Editor at iloverecovery.com.
Volunteer your time to help your favorite charity or cause. A few examples are working in a soup kitchen, helping out at an animal shelter or donating your time to any worthy cause that resonates with you. These are all normal emotions that many people in recovery face when they choose to make amends. Your sponsor or counselor can help you through this, but it may help to have examples of what making amends looks like.
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I was thinking that he will be ok because the doctor was telling us that he will be discharge but after 3 days of that then the doctor says that his body is declining. He then went to the ICU the next day then died the following day. I dont recall what we talked about during the time when we was at the hospital. Prior to his admission he also wanted for me to resign from my workplace so i can spend time with him but i didnt follow him and that is one of my regrets right now.